Sleeping Beauty

A Mother's Thoughts

He's fed, he's changed, he's being held, yet my baby won't stop crying. I'm the mom, why can't I figure out my own kid?

Seriously, how many poopy diapers can one baby have in 24 hours? It just keeps on coming!

I feel like a milk machine! Is this kid going to be permanently attached to me forever?

Why does he insist on peeing every time his diaper is open on the changing table?

He's three weeks old, shouldn't we be on a schedule by now? If not for his sake, then for my sanity!

I knew I'd be emotional, but I didn't think my feelings would change hourly. In the morning, I am confident in taking care of my baby. By evening I feel like I don't even know my own child anymore.

Is it going to be like this forever?



After writing all these thoughts out, I had an answer to the last question. No, it will not be like this forever. And that makes me sad and happy all at once. Sure it will be nice when he doesn't have so many stinky diapers, and it will be nice when he sleeps thru the night. And it will be nice when he looks at me and smiles. I look forward to when he can interact with his daddy and me and when he can hold up his own head. But then I'm reminded that he's only going to be this little for a very short time. He's already outgrowing some of his clothes, and soon he'll start to outgrow me. Not in a bad way, it's just that as he gets bigger he won't be so dependent on his mother. He won't need me to rock him to sleep. He won't need me to feed him at 3 o'clock in the morning. Someday he'll say his first words and take his first steps. I'm sure every mother looks forward to these milestones. And that's the way it should be, but I shouldn't overlook the age that he is now. This is the only time in his life when he'll need me more than he needs anybody else, and I should cherish it. Ok, I don't need to cherish the moments he misses the burp cloth and spits up all over my shirt, and I'm certainly not fond of the times his diaper leaks. But I do love that I am his mom, and I love that he knows that. He knows my voice, my scent, my face. I love when he takes a few moments to focus on me, and I love to watch him look at his surroundings with curiosity. I love that sometimes when he cries, I can pick him up and that solves the problem--he just wanted to be close to mommy. These are the moments I will miss, and amidst the chaos and crying and sleep deprivation, these are the moments I will remember.

Mickey Mouse Photo Shoot

Hey all! I took these pictures yesterday, so I thought I'd share them, since he's all coordinated and stuff. This is probably the last time he'll wear this outfit. It's a 0-3 month from the Disney store, and the footie part is too small for his feet already! He's still wearing newborn clothes though, so the Disney sleepers must run small.



Would you look at that profile! I love baby profiles. Their little noses and mouths are soo cute!


Um, Mom, what is that thing you're holding that keeps flashing in my face? Back off, or I just might punch you!

I love Mickey!! I promise, these are not posed. I merely placed the rattle on his outstretched arm, and if he moved his arm and happened to pull Mickey closer to him, well, that's not my doing at all ;).





I think he's trying to see the TV in this shot. Oh, and don't ask me why he loves having his head to one side, cause I don't have an answer for you.


And one final picture for my enjoyment mostly. I know ya'll don't want to see my face that close, but I love that he's looking right at me. Love you, baby!

Pictures of Matthew (duh! what else would I post?)

Tummy time! This is about 10 minutes before he got upset. I love his little eyebrows--they are so expressive, even at this young age.




Yay for bathtime! Ok so he doesn't exactly look forward to getting stripped and wiped down from head to toe, but someday he'll enjoy it.



I love the smell of a clean baby, and this guy is no exception. Check out the little mohawk he's sporting :) This is just after his bath, so his hair is a little fuzzy, and you can sorta see that it's standing up in the middle.

Dr.'s Appt and My First Day

This past Thursday Matthew has his first appt. with the pediatrician, and it went really well. He didn't love being stripped down to his diaper, but what newborn does? Anyway, he was back to his birth weight after one week. When we'd left the hospital he was 8 lbs. 12 oz., but he was back to 9 lbs. 5 oz. by Thursday, so the doc said he has no concerns about him eating. Obviously he's getting enough and growing, and he's got plenty of wet and poopy diapers to further prove it. So his weight puts him in the 90th percentile, and so does his head circumference, which is 14 7/8. For his height, they measured him at 21 7/8 ", and that puts him in the 97th percentile! Sheesh, what a long boy we have on our hands. In the hospital he measured 22" even, so I don't know if they rounded up for an even number, but measuring the height of a baby mustn't be very accurate, since they like to be curled up and they like to squirm. Ok, so those are his stats. The doc checked him over, and everything seems to be fine. He's got a dimple in his lower back, but it's all closed up, so there's nothing to worry about. He's also got what they call Mongolian spots that look like bruises around his buttocks area, and he's also got an undescended testicle, which is completely normal for baby boys. He'll probably hate me one day for telling you all that piece of information :) The doc spent some time telling us about his head. He's got a very deep bruise that could take up to 6 weeks to go away, so his head will probably be more pointed and newborn-looking for longer than usual. He said he used to blame bruises like that on the vacuum, which they used on me, but he's seen the same thing on babies that didn't have the vacuum used on them. So it probably comes from a combo of that and my pushing for two hours. His poor little head (or should I say, big head) kept rocking back and forth while I tried to get it past my pelvis. I'd have a bruise too if I was in his place :) So overall the appt. went well, and Matthew didn't cry all too much. He'll go again in a month, and then at his 2 month appt. he'll start getting shots. I'm sure we'll see more tears by then :)

My First Day. Of what, you ask? Of being alone with my baby, just me and Matthew. Josh is back at work, so I'm here, just me. It doesn't feel as overwhelming as I thought it would. I think it helps that I feel better and am able to move around without pain, and I can get up and down while holding him. And that's all the stuff that matters, cause I'm just focusing on taking care of myself by letting my body heal and taking care of Matthew. Last night he didn't sleep too well, so I'm sure Josh is really tired today. Matthew woke up at 7am, and he was soaked, so first on the agenda was cleaning his little tushy and finding some clean clothes for him. Then I fed him and he fell asleep like usual, so I put him in his crib. I waited to see if he'd wake up and cry, and when I went in to check on him, he was wide awake just laying in his crib. I was really surprised at how content he was. Since he's not always alert like that, I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to spend time with him, so I took him out, and he hung out with me on the couch. I think there was a diaper change in there somewhere too. Then I laid down on the couch and laid him on top of me and we napped together. When I woke up I put him back in his crib and jumped in the shower. Folks, I can't take a 5-minute shower yet. If Josh were here he would say I never could :) And he's right. But I still have to go slow in there, so it takes me 30 minutes at least. Anyway, I had the baby monitor close by, and I could hear him crying. But of course I could do nothing about it. It sounded like he had a dirty diaper, and I knew his next feeding time was getting close. He was as patient as a newborn can be. He cried a little, calmed down, whined some, calmed down again. I felt bad that I couldn't meet his needs right away, but I figure he won't hold it against me forever :) So once I was all ready I changed him and fed him, and then he slept on my lap for a little. So it's been a calm morning for both of us. Oh yeah, when I woke up this morning I was really dizzy, but that's gone now.

Aww, he's crying right now. Guess I should go take care of my baby. Sorry, no pictures this time.

Feeling Better

Look! I'm skinny again! Well, sorta ;) I found out today that I've lost 15 pounds. When I first got home from the hospital it was only 8, but you shoulda seen my legs. Well, trust me, you didn't want to. They were like elephant legs. My feet have never been so puffy, and my ankles were huge--I was swollen all the way up to my knees! Which is understandable, since I had an IV in me forever, so all that fluid had to drain outa me. But anyway, I'm feeling better today, and it's so encouraging to me. Josh will be going back to work on Monday, and I need to know that I can do this stuff on my own, like getting out of bed and getting up from a sitting position while holding the baby. Josh has been so great this week, and I've got some catching up to do. He's better at swaddling the baby and better at changing diapers, for now ;)

Oh, we got a really neat gift in the mail from Josh's aunts and grandma. Thank you so much! It's a personalized rocking horse with cookies and a teddy bear and some baby ointments. It's really cute :)


Oh, and one last pic of me and Matthew. I love him to death!

---"Playing" with Daddy---

Just a picture and some videos of Matthew for your enjoyment! Matthew "playing" with Daddy...

I'm Back, Sorta

Josh put up the last post, so this is my first time putting one up since having a baby. I must say that I am nowhere near feeling normal and like myself, but Josh keeps reminding me that it will come. And my sister is the best encouragement. Recovery could take six weeks or more, but she reminded me that I'm not going to feel this bad all the time. It will get better each day, and I'm looking forward to that. I love being a mom, but I don't like recovering from having a baby. I wish there was a way to skip that part :). Anyway, here are some pictures of our little guy around the house.


Ok, this one isn't around the house. Here he is at the hospital about to go home. I'm so glad his going-home outfit fit. It's newborn size, and because he is a big boy, I had Josh pick out a bigger outfit just in case.


Look, my first car ride in my new car seat! He didn't like it when we strapped him in, but what newborn does?


Matthew's first diaper change at home. They sent us home with Pampers newborn size diapers, but they don't fit him, so he's starting out in size one. That's our big boy!


Here he is all swaddled up in his crib. What a handsome boy. Of course I'm not biased or anything ;)


This is his grumpy face. Well, he wasn't really grumpy, but his face got all squished up when we put him in his swing.


And here are my two favorite men in the whole world!!