Mary Had a Little Lamb

Well, she's finally here, and we couldn't be happier about it. Though surprised is probably the first word that comes to mind. Wednesday was just another ordinary day. Matthew got up and we ate breakfast together. Then he went with me to my doctor's appointment mid-morning. We didn't wait too long, and when my doctor checked me, he said "Whoa" with this surprised look on his face.

You're 5 centimeters dilated already.

I am? (I thought he was joking)

Yeah, and I can stretch you to 6.

No way. (still didn't believe him)

I gotta send you to the hospital. I think you're in labor.

The first thing I thought was, What do I do with Matthew? I hope my mom-in-law is available. I don't have my suitcase with me. It was this whirlwind of thoughts twirling around in my head--I've never been so caught off guard in my life. I went to the hospital right away, after calling Josh, his mom, and my mom. And did you know that children under 14 aren't even allowed in the waiting room of the hospital because of the flu season? They let Matthew stay with me until someone came to pick him up, which ended up being his 2 awesome aunts. They took him to the mall and fed him, and I knew he was in good hands.

I had already checked myself in, and my wonderful nurse, Molly, escorted me to my room and got me IV'd and everything. She was so kind and friendly, and I even began to cry in front of her. I told her that right now the only thing I was worried about was Matthew and if he'd be ok without me and everything. I knew he'd have a great time with the family and that they were more than capable of watching him, but I guess my emotions got the better of me at that moment. And plus Josh hadn't arrived yet, so I felt pretty alone. Oh but once he got there I felt much better.

They gave me Pitocin to make the contractions more regular. I began to feel them and they made me uncomfortable, but I was able to talk through most of them to distract myself. Josh's mom arrived to see how we were doing, and our new Pastor visited us so he could pray with us. That was so reassuring.

I knew I wanted my epidural soon, and after they broke my water, I was really sure I wanted it. Suddenly the contractions were very very strong and very close together. Josh held my hand and helped me breathe through each one. It was so hard. I didn't really feel contractions with Matthew because I got my epidural earlier, but now I know why it's called labor. I can't even describe how much I just wanted the contractions to go away. Josh was watching the monitor, and I couldn't wait to hear him say, Ok, it should be dying down now.

Ugh, I was getting so tired (in my focus to get to the hospital, I forgot to eat lunch), and I didn't know if I'd have the energy to finish this thing. Between each contraction I'd ask for the epidural to make sure they didn't forget about me. Finally the dude came in and I was so happy to see him. I asked how long it would take to work, and he said only a few minutes. Oh, and let me tell you, it's hard to go through a contraction and hold still while a needle gets stuck in your back. I held onto Molly for support (they made Josh leave the room). I was worried the medicine wouldn't kick in on time, because I was feeling the urge to push at this point. Once the epidural was in, the severity of the contractions dwindled. Josh said my grip on his hand got weaker with each one. I could still feel them, and the needle dude wondered out loud if he should give me more medicine, and I said in a drawled voice, Yeah, I like the epidural. Give me more of that. I even fell asleep for a few minutes.

The epidural was in me for about an hour total. My doctor came in and checked me out, and it was time to push. I was in good spirits too. His assistant did the counting while I pushed, and she kept holding out the last few numbers in the count, which I had to point out to her. It made everyone laugh. After a few pushes, someone mentioned they could see her head, and I'm like, Already? The doctor used a vacuum to help pull her out. I think her oxygen levels weren't great. They said she didn't like her head being squished in the birth canal (not that she was there long).

So roughly 7 hours of laboring in the hospital and 10 minutes of pushing resulted in this little beauty:

And since I didn't get a chance to get a 9-month belly picture, Josh took one for me in the hospital.
Here she is after just coming out. As you can see she was sucking on her hand immediately. We're wondering if she'll be a pacifier kid. She already has a stronger suck than Matthew did, which explains why I'm so sore from nursing.

The first pic with my girl. I know I look awful, but I think my eyes look happy.

The three of us. Matthew didn't get to see her until we got home, otherwise he'd be in this picture too.

After I'd nurse her in the football hold, she liked to just hang out by my side on the pillow. Usually asleep, but we caught her awake this time.

A Daddy's girl already.

Boy, it's hard work being a newborn. I think I need a nap.

And here's a comfy place to sleep.

This was the result of putting her in the carseat to go home. Matthew didn't like it at first either. She was screaming down the hallway, but once we made it to the doors, she conked out.

Josh was a wonderful support through the whole event. He and the doctor were talking sports and electronics while I was laboring, but I didn't mind, since I was medicated. He continues to be a great support at home too. He's totally taking care of Matthew, and he holds Esther when I need a bathroom break or shower. Whe she's up at night, he gets her for me and changes her diaper. And he does all this while battling the cold that Matthew and I are getting over. The Lord definitely had His hand in this birth. He brought Esther at the pefect time, and we are so thankful for our little growing family.

These were just the hospital pics. I've got more from our first days home.

Thanksgiving - A Day Early

Esther Azar

Born November 25th @ 6:11 PM

8 lbs. 13 oz.

20.75 in

Mom and baby are doing great!

God is great and happy Thanksgiving to all!

Enjoying My Son

Yesterday was Monday, and the day definitely had some Monday moments to it. Matthew woke up crying, which is unusual for him. He always talks to himself and waits for someone to come get him. Then he was fussing while I changed his diaper and wanted me to hold him. And I was thinking, Oh great, I can see how this day is gonna be. But I decided to stay positive and determined to keep my cool no matter how he acted. We sat on the couch for a few minutes, and then he asked for breakfast. We made our way to the highchair and he drank half a cup of milk and said he was all done. I couldn't believe he didn't want anything to eat. Then he started crying again and wanted me to hold him. So I obliged, and we cuddled on the couch for a little while. Then he began to play with his toys for a bit and slowly got out of his bad mood. He ended up eating breakfast at like 9:15 or 9:30.

We did our grocery shopping in the morning, and he was good in the store. His nap was after lunch, and he woke up grumpy from that. Now that's not as surprising, cause that's a little more common. But again, he got out of his bad mood and was pleasant again.

Even though he had these 2 grouchy moments in the day, I can't help thinking back and being thankful for the day we had together. He was such a good and sweet boy, and I just enjoyed being with him. My ankles were really swollen, and I told him I had to lay on the couch and put my feet up. And he was so good about it. He played on his own, and I had the privilege to just observe him: his personality, his sense of humor, his imagination. I found myself chuckling several times. Then he came over to me and wanted to play together, which we managed to do. He'd bring some books over for me to read to him. And he also slid over his basket of cars so we could do that together. We drove them all over the couch and across my belly--it was lots of fun. He also "cooked" for me, and I got to taste his creations. His toy bears got a taste too.

Whenever I had to work in the kitchen, again he was a good boy. He grabbed his walker and was literally running back and forth across the kitchen and having the best time. He would laugh to himself and say "crash!" whenever he got to one end.

I love my little boy so much. It's so easy to get wrapped up in errands and cooking dinner and doing laundry that I forget to enjoy my son sometimes, you know what I mean? Sometimes the day just gets away from me, and I have to look back and think, Did I even make eye contact with him for more than a few minutes? And then there's the days where I want to pull my hair out because he is frustrating me beyond belief. But Monday was not one of those days. And I want to remember it for a long time.

Dear Body

You've been through a crazy ride for the last two years. First one pregnancy followed by a year of nursing, and now another pregnancy, which thankfully, is almost over (technically in one month, but you never know). But remember, the year of nursing still lies ahead, so we're not exactly finished with this roller coaster. Hey, I didn't know I'd be having two babies in 2 years, so don't try to get back at me in any way, ok? For instance, don't gain tons of weight so that it takes me forever to lose it all. So far it's been going well, but you might try something sneaky here at the end and make me suddenly get way fat. That would not be cool at all.

You've been pretty good through this whole "making a baby" thing, but I do have some complaints. What's with all the trips to the bathroom, huh? I mean, I feel like I spend half my day in there, which might actually be true, if I added it all up. Poor Matthew thinks I want to hang out with the toilet more than him. He's adjusted to it though, and he's finally figured out that I'm coming back and that he doesn't need to cry like it's the end of the world.

I really don't love getting up 2 times a night, which results from the above paragraph's discussion. Sometimes I disturb the hubby, and I hate trying to get out of bed while you're still groggy. It's like raising the Titanic. They were unsuccessful with that, by the way. Anyways, you and I both need our rest, so cool it, ok?

Another thing, what's with the new stretch marks? You trying to prove something, or are you just too tired to keep it together? Luckily not many people see my belly, but I do have to look at it everyday, and it'd be nice if there weren't so many paved roads to drive on, you know what I mean? The whole lotion thing is a myth. I think you made it up so you'd get a daily massage from me. I'm right, aren't I.

And even though I am so freaked out by my elephant ankles, I did manage to find the rainbow. When it comes to shaving near there, it's so much easier when I don't have to maneuver around ankle bones and such. You plump it all out, and no cuts whatsoever. Whoo-hoo!

Oh and by the way, I totally did not appreciate that dinner fluke the other day. What? You don't remember? Don't fein innocence. I had dinner all set to go and popped it in the oven. Then I set the timer for 30 minutes, and then I turned off the oven. Of course I was not aware of this until the timer went off a half hour later and I found that our food was slowly cooling down instead of heating up. What's that, you say? It's my brain's fault and not yours? Well, maybe you're right. I'll have to have a separate talk with her then.

So be honest with me. How long will this labor and delivery take? If I recall, last time I was pushing for a long time. And that's not to say that you didn't do your part, but seriously, we need to figure out a better plan. We gotta work together, ok? Don't wait for the doctor to threaten to cut you open with a knife. Let's get this baby out before it comes to that, and then I promise, I'll let you rest for a while. And I'll even take my meds so you don't feel pain later on. Isn't that nice of me? But in return you need to make nursing go well right from the start. Oh, and you need to heal really fast, cause I've got a toddler to watch too. Don't dawdle on the recovery end.

I'm glad we've had this talk. But I'm thinking we're done here, cause I think you're telling me I gotta pee. Surprise, surprise.

A few things that happened this week

Josh was away on business for the first few days of this week, and Matthew definitely missed him. He kept asking about him, and on Sunday when I told him he was in an airplane, he pointed up the sky. And whenever he was crying, whether it was tantrum, tiredness, or pain, he would repeat Daddy's name over and over. Poor little thing. It was very pitiful, but very cute at the same time. Needless to say, he was very excited when he walked in the door on Wednesday.

A cute bunny hung out in our yard for about an hour on Tuesday, and Matthew was quite amused by him.

Matthew's been doing well these days. I bought him hightop sneakers from Wal-mart, and I've been taking him on walks outside since the weather's been nice. It seems he's been getting stronger and more stable, but it could just be my imagination. Or wishful thinking. Either way, he is definitely more interested in learning to walk on his own and trying little things here and there.

He's 19 months old now (and fyi, I am 35 weeks along), his personality is developing daily. He's discovering new ways to play with his toys, which means his imagination's at work. He likes to play quietly, like looking at books or driving his cars across the floor. But he also likes to get rowdy, more particularly when Josh is home. They've come up with a new game where Josh throws a blanket over Matthew's head and hides in the house. Then Matthew goes to find him, gets scared out of his pants, and loves every minute of it. I sit there and try to read a magazine, but honestly they are more entertaining than my articles.

He is obsessed with coloring and with trains. One morning after he has just woken up, he immediately asked to color, even before breakfast! And every night he asks to watch "choo-choo." We got tired of the one Thomas movie we have, so we went to Wal-mart and found some episodes compiled onto a DVD to give some variety and save our sanity. The neat thing is that it came with a Thomas to play with, and he loves that thing. It's gonna work out great, because I got him a basic wooden train set for Christmas (from Ikea), and Thomas will fit on it too. Plus Wal-mart had more DVD sets with other trains, like Percy and Gordon and James. I want to get him at least one more. Josh teases me that I'm spending a fortune on him for Christmas, but I am within budget so ppplllbbttt to him :)

Oh, the sweetest thing happened last night. Matthew fell and hit his head (not hard, but it was close to bedtime, so even something small deserves tears). Anyway, Josh was right by him and picked him up to console him, but Matthew turned around and pointed right at me and said "Momma!" in this dramatic sobby voice with tears streaming down his cheeks. And I just totally melted into a puddle of mommy love and pregnant hormones. I held him for a little bit and cried along with him cause I was just so moved. And Josh of course was laughing at me. He thought it was sweet too, but he just thought I was the funniest emotional mess at the time. And speaking of emotions, I was reading a story in Parents magazine today, and I started to get teary-eyed. I'm not overly emotional the whole time I'm pregnant, but it comes in spurts, I guess. I'll have a few days of crying over everything, and then I'm good for a while.

Back to Matthew, he's been weird about his naps lately. He used to be so good at falling asleep and not even crying about it. But yesterday he cried for a little while and then just talked to himself for a long time. He was content, so I didn't get him out. After about an hour and a half he was still awake, so I thought, ok, I'll go get him and his nap can be over. And right when I got up there he fell asleep. So I let him sleep for a hour, but then I woke him up, cause I didn't want him to sleep too much into the late afternoon or he might not go to bed well. And today, even as I write, he is up there screaming like it's the end of the world. He started off talking to himself, but now he's crying. I know he's tired, so I hope he gives in and doesn't keep himself awake.

Now that I've gotten all wordy on you, I think I will conclude. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

A Poem by Yours Truly

'Twas October 27th when I went to the store.
I had to buy groceries, because we needed some more.
I hopped in the car after I strapped Matthew in;
Then I pressed the knob to get my favorite radio station.
Suddenly my ears were shocked by what I heard;
My jaw hit the floor, and I couldn't say a word.
It was the voice of Bing Crosby crooning to me
A familiar Christmas song on 93.3!
Thinking it was a joke, I waited for the punchline...
The Manheim Steamrollers were next--was I losing my mind?
It's not quite November, are these songs even ok?
But then I remembered...Christmas is less than 2 months away!
I better get home to check my Christmas list twice,
Because I want to buy everyone something very nice.
I guess it's safe to say this, but it doesn't feel quite right:
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Physical Therapy

Matthew had his physical therapy evaluation today. I wasn't sure what to expect. I mean, I knew they would ask questions and observe him at play, but I didn't know how it would turn out in the end. To begin with, I wasn't thrilled that the pediatrician recommended that Matthew get evaluated. I just didn't want the hassle, but I was also partly afraid that they would make some huge and horrible diagnosis. The pediatrician visit and the PT visit were about a month apart, and in that time Matthew made some good progress with walking. He'd grown more confident, more stable, more willing to try. I almost thought about canceling, feeling sure that he would walk on his own soon. But Josh and I have been praying all about this, and we decided that an evaluation certainly couldn't hurt anything. Maybe they would give us some new ideas to try at home to get him to walk.

Miss Nancy was Matthew's evaluator, and she was very nice and very good with him. We went into a big room that had floor mats, a set of stairs, basketball hoops, and tons of different sized balls. Matthew explored the place while she asked me a few questions. Like, were there any problems during my pregnancy, did he pass all his newborn tests, yadda yadda. She got to see him move all over the place: crawling, climbing the stairs, pulling up, walking while holding onto someone's hand. He did all these things with and without shoes. She was impressed with how well he did with these types of movements. She was also impressed with how many words he said and understood (though he wasn't being tested for that kind of stuff, but it made this mother's heart a little proud of her boy).

She recorded her observations and talked with me throught it all. I told her how he uses a push-toy/walker at home, and she that's great and to keep using it. I also told her how he'll put his back up against the chair or the couch and walk a few steps on his own to get to us. She said that was great too.

Her conclusions were simple: it all comes down to low muscle tone in some areas. For instance, his ankles. His ankles turn in toward each other, which makes his feet point out when he walks (think of how Mickey Mouse stands, I think it's called pigeon-toed). Anyway, that stance means he's putting most of his weight on the inside of his foot instead of his whole foot, which makes him very unstable. Hence, why it's hard for him to walk on his own. Also, his hips. He's got a lot of rotation in them, possibly too much. When he sits to play, he sits in a "W" fashion, where the knees are out front and the rest of the leg is pulled back. This type of sitting encourages his ankles to turn in even more. I told her it runs in the family, since his aunt sat that way all the time as a kid, and still sits like that sometimes.

He crawls up and down the stairs, which she said is good for him to do in order to strengthen his hips. Also, walking on his knees, like if he's pushing an upside down pot or laundry basket across the floor, will help as well. He's doing plenty of things at home already that are helping his muscles develop, but she also sent home some more papers with things to look for and try with him.

She brought up braces. Nothing huge or long-term, but it would hide in his shoe and give him that extra stability he needs in the ankles. It would line up his ankles under his legs better, which will help him walk on his own. She noticed that he seems more stable when he wears shoes, so she said to try buying high top shoes to wear around the house before we get into braces. That may be all the extra stability he needs, and we're praying it is.

She also wants to start him on physical therapy visits for a half hour each week. Josh and I talked about this, and it makes us feel like we've done something wrong as parents. But on the other hand, the extra help he'll be getting won't be a bad thing. Yes we can do things with him at home, but having a trained professional work with him and know what to watch for isn't bad. And they've got more resources at the facility than we have at home too. I guess I feel almost ashamed or embarrassed that I have to put my child through this. But Josh told me that if we've identified a weakness, it makes sense to work on it and help him out.

I guess for me it's kind of a pride thing. My child shouldn't need physical therapy. I know better than the doctors do. But the Lord has quickly humbled me. When I was in the waiting room, there was a little girl there the same age as Matthew in this contraption with wheels to help her walk. Her mother told me she has cerebral palsy and has trouble getting enough oxygen. Then a little boy came in, and I heard his mother say that he was there to be fitted for a pacer (I think it's something for the heart). There are so many children out there with serious health issues, and here I am being bothered by the fact that Matthew needs a few physical therapy appointments and some more supportive shoes. I am so incredibly blessed to have a happy, healthy, normal little boy, and I don't ever want to take that for granted.

I was singing Jesus Loves Me to Matthew for his nap this afternoon, and the words really spoke to my heart: "little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me." Matthew belongs to God, and He knows that his ankles are weak. But God is the source of all strength. He loves Matthew and is watching over him. And yes we have a health issue to deal with, but it's so trivial in comparison with others. Yet it's important to God. Our Sunday school teacher was talking about that on Sunday, that God hears and answers our prayers, no matter how big and no matter how small. How special does that make you feel? This all-powerful, awesome God takes the time to hear you. We need to remember that every day.