Dear Body

You've been through a crazy ride for the last two years. First one pregnancy followed by a year of nursing, and now another pregnancy, which thankfully, is almost over (technically in one month, but you never know). But remember, the year of nursing still lies ahead, so we're not exactly finished with this roller coaster. Hey, I didn't know I'd be having two babies in 2 years, so don't try to get back at me in any way, ok? For instance, don't gain tons of weight so that it takes me forever to lose it all. So far it's been going well, but you might try something sneaky here at the end and make me suddenly get way fat. That would not be cool at all.

You've been pretty good through this whole "making a baby" thing, but I do have some complaints. What's with all the trips to the bathroom, huh? I mean, I feel like I spend half my day in there, which might actually be true, if I added it all up. Poor Matthew thinks I want to hang out with the toilet more than him. He's adjusted to it though, and he's finally figured out that I'm coming back and that he doesn't need to cry like it's the end of the world.

I really don't love getting up 2 times a night, which results from the above paragraph's discussion. Sometimes I disturb the hubby, and I hate trying to get out of bed while you're still groggy. It's like raising the Titanic. They were unsuccessful with that, by the way. Anyways, you and I both need our rest, so cool it, ok?

Another thing, what's with the new stretch marks? You trying to prove something, or are you just too tired to keep it together? Luckily not many people see my belly, but I do have to look at it everyday, and it'd be nice if there weren't so many paved roads to drive on, you know what I mean? The whole lotion thing is a myth. I think you made it up so you'd get a daily massage from me. I'm right, aren't I.

And even though I am so freaked out by my elephant ankles, I did manage to find the rainbow. When it comes to shaving near there, it's so much easier when I don't have to maneuver around ankle bones and such. You plump it all out, and no cuts whatsoever. Whoo-hoo!

Oh and by the way, I totally did not appreciate that dinner fluke the other day. What? You don't remember? Don't fein innocence. I had dinner all set to go and popped it in the oven. Then I set the timer for 30 minutes, and then I turned off the oven. Of course I was not aware of this until the timer went off a half hour later and I found that our food was slowly cooling down instead of heating up. What's that, you say? It's my brain's fault and not yours? Well, maybe you're right. I'll have to have a separate talk with her then.

So be honest with me. How long will this labor and delivery take? If I recall, last time I was pushing for a long time. And that's not to say that you didn't do your part, but seriously, we need to figure out a better plan. We gotta work together, ok? Don't wait for the doctor to threaten to cut you open with a knife. Let's get this baby out before it comes to that, and then I promise, I'll let you rest for a while. And I'll even take my meds so you don't feel pain later on. Isn't that nice of me? But in return you need to make nursing go well right from the start. Oh, and you need to heal really fast, cause I've got a toddler to watch too. Don't dawdle on the recovery end.

I'm glad we've had this talk. But I'm thinking we're done here, cause I think you're telling me I gotta pee. Surprise, surprise.